I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
