The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
