what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
