He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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