I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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