tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
