fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just invented taco cereal.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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