there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
