If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
