Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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