ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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