I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
