fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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