know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
