Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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