god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
