i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dick very happy bro
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