is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
