You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
