Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
