Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
