brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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