Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
