i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
