Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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