Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dick has a subreddit
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
