okay pat passed out under dana's car
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
