8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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