i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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