So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
