i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
