Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
