I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
