Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
