Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
