Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
