Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
