the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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