Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
