It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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