Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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