I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
