o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
