youre lurking in front of me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
soo... how was my night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
