Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
