I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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