My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
