Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
