she was so not down for the gang bang
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
