So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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