You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
