Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
