You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
