i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
