Whoa Z and x make the same sound
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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