I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
false alarm. still invincible.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
