Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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