considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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